


lost connection

by orphan_account



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim (2013), can you write a slow burn in less than 3k words? lets find out, lbr newt and herm's arc in pacrim IS the slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-12 22:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12970041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When the Shatterdome stays open for continuing research, the K-Science team realizes they'll actually have to deal with the after-effects of their Drift.





	lost connection

The Breach closed. They're safe. It should feel like a weight has been lifted - the world did just stop being under the threat of immediate destruction, after all - but, to Newt, something in the revelation that he may never work on the things he's passionate about again sucks the life out of him. After the immediate high of winning the war is over, he retreats back to his tiny quarters, trying the shake the last of the Drift from his head. 

Not less than an hour later, there's a knock on his door. He knows immediately that it's not Hermann - he can sense him, still, and he's no where near his front door. When he does open it, he's surprised to see Mako Mori standing there, a small smile on her face. 

"Dr. Geiszler," She smiles. "I have good news."

"Better than the fact that we just saved the world?" 

She shrugs. Hands him a manila envelope. "You can decide that for yourself." 

He reads the enclosed documents as soon as he closes his door. They're official-looking, but there are only 2 pages. He skims them, pauses, re-reads, re-reads again. He can't help the smile that finds it's way onto his face at the words _continue your work_. He considers, for a moment, telling Hermann, but can feel through their connection that he knows. Still, he wanders out into the hallway anyway, in pajama bottoms and an old tee shirt. 

They meet halfway between their rooms, both holding manila envelopes, no doubt containing the same brief. They don't say anything, because they don't really need to. They stand there, staring, neither wanting to leave. The cold metal floor is starting to numb the bottoms of Newt's feet. In a silent agreement, Hermann follows Newt back to his room. Spending time apart is no longer an option, it seems. 

When Newt wakes up the next morning, Hermann is already gone. 

 

The effects of their Drift fade a little after a week, but they don't go away. They can feel each other - their general emotions, but no longer their exact thoughts. It should be comforting, knowing that your thoughts are yours and only yours again, but it isn't. Not for Newt, at least. He finds himself wishing he could still tell what Hermann thinks, to see if he misses sharing thoughts, too. 

They're working again, which helps. It keeps him distracted enough that memories from the Drift don't dominate his thoughts 24/7, but working with the remnants of the last of the Kaiju certainly doesn't help. He finds himself zoning out while dissecting an eyeball, watching the body part being assembled over and over again in a blue-tinted memory. 

Hermann senses it, snaps him out of it. "Don't chase the rabbit, Newton." 

 

He wonders, often, how much Hermann really saw in their Drift. He didn't bother to ask, and it seems a little late, now. He knows what _he_ saw - they're mostly fragments, now, but they're there. It was like waking up from a dream - at first, he could remember all of the details, but now, they've faded like they were hardly there at all. He latched on to a couple of things - the cut-off engagement, the bullying, and (of course) 10-year-old Hermann's model airplanes - but the thought of what Hermann may have latched on to scares him.

That morning, in the lab, he nonchalantly rolls his chair across the room to Hermann's side. For once, the other man doesn't complain, just looks up from his work with an expression that says _What now?_  

"So," Newt tries a little too hard to seem casual. "What do you remember? From our drift?"

Hermann frowns. "At first, a lot. But it's mostly faded now, like a-"

"Like a dream, I know." Newt says. "What do you remember _now?_ " He pauses. "Just curious."

Hermann takes off his glasses and lets them hang from their chain. "I remember you, working, teaching, getting your first tattoo." He pauses. Newt can't tell what he's thinking, not anymore, but he gets the idea he's considering something. "That's mostly it. This rest is only snapshots I can't really figure out, no more solid memories." 

Newt can tell, either because of their connection or because Hermann is a terrible liar, that he's holding back the whole truth. The idea terrifies him, so he stuffs it down and tries his best to ignore it. _What's the point in that, anyway?_ Newt wonders as he rolls his chair back across the room. _They're_ my _memories. Why would you bother keeping a secret from someone you've shared a brain with?_

 

Newt's work begins to stagnate without new Kaiju samples, and he tries his best to conceal his disappointment. His new job - or rather, his new tasks in the same job - is no longer about finding out all he can about humanity's biggest threat, but to map out Kaiju anatomy as best he can. Despite aesthetic differences, each of the beasts were clones, grown from the same DNA in the same 'factory'; they had all the same organs, just in different places. 

Despite how interesting his newest project is, his brain is scattered. He looks over to Hermann's desk and finds it empty. He can't sense him when he's this far away, not anymore. The realization comes with a wave of anxiety. He considers calling his lab partner when he suddenly feels him again. Not even a minute later he hears the sound of footsteps accompanied by a cane, and Hermann strolls through the door. Newt notices immediately that he's a mess - his hair is tousled, his face is flushed, and he's holding a handkerchief up to his nose to stop it from running. 

"Dude, are you okay?" Newt asks. He knows the answer - _no_. 

"It's just the flu, Newton." Hermann assures him. Newt frowns - _'just the flu'? You shouldn't come in to work with a flu in the first place!_

"You won't get sick, don't worry." Hermann says, mistaking Newt's worry about Hermann for worry about his own wellbeing. "We will both be perfectly fine."

Less than an hour later, Newt feels Hermann fall asleep at his desk, his nose running onto some very important papers. He sighs and crosses the room, jostles Hermann awake, and helps him out of his chair. Even through his blazer, sweater vest and shirt, Newt can feel his fever. They walk down the hall towards Hermann's room, Hermann leaning heavily on Newt and his cane for support. 

Once they reach his room, Newt unlocks the door with Hermann's key and dumps him onto the bed unceremoniously. Hermann grumbles and rolls over with difficulty. Not even 20 seconds later, he's asleep. Newt resists the urge to crawl in bed with him and leaves, careful not to make too much noise when closing the door. 

 

It's been nearly 6 months since their drift, and the last of their connection is beginning to fade. It bothers Newt more than it probably should; he's gotten so used to being so intimately connected with Hermann that existing, thinking, feeling without him feels...wrong. He finds himself itching to strap back into the Pons system, wanting desperately to feel that connection again. He recalls the first night's sleep they got after Drifting, how being even a few rooms apart felt wrong, and longs after the feeling. It's unhealthy, probably - no, definitely - but he can't shake it. 

It keeps him awake until 3 am that night. By that point, when he finds himself still wide awake, he resigns himself to an all-nighter and rolls out of bed. He doesn't know what to do, so he wanders out of his room in his pajamas, letting his feet guide him. 

He ends up in front of Hermann's door, because of course he does. He doesn't even consider knocking, not wanting to disturb him; then he hears shuffling from inside, and a cane tapping on the floor. The door swings open, revealing Hermann, also in his pajamas. 

"Couldn't sleep, either?" He asks. He has his glasses on, and Newt can see a book with a bookmark sticking out of it on the nightstand behind him. 

Newt shakes his head. Hermann steps back from the door and beckons him inside, and he complies. His room is colder than Newt's is, a lot plainer, and much more organized. Hermann shuts the door as he steps in a sits back on his bed. Newt takes a seat next to him. 

There's a long, drawn out pause. Newt clears his throat. "Hey, Hermann?" He coughs awkwardly. "I don't know how to say this without seeming weird, but. I miss you."

Hermann blinks. 

"Like, I know we work together every day," He laughs, still awkward. "but I miss being close to you. The ghost drift is almost gone and...I don't know. I miss it."

Hermann sighs. Newt can't tell, but he thinks it may be out of relief. After a beat, he asks, "Would you like to stay the night?"

"Yeah." Newt says. A little too quickly. Hermann doesn't seem to mind. He gets up and flicks off the room's light, then crawls under the covers and pats the space beside him. Newt crawls in next to him, and they settle in; Newt on his stomach, his arm thrown over Hermann's chest, Hermann on his back, his arms wrapped around him.

It's the best sleep either of them have had in months. 

 

The sleepovers become a bi-weekly occurrence. Usually, one of those nights is a Sunday night; they get Sundays off, now - it comes with the lighter work load. Neither of them ever bring it up during the work day, and they never have to ask to come over. It just happens; one or both of them can't sleep, so they spend the night. It works, for a while. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the sleepovers stop - Hermann never knocks on Newt's door, and Newt's knocks on Hermann's go unanswered. 

After 2 weeks of silence, Newt knocks on Hermann's door, very early on a Monday morning. To his surprise, it swings open. Hermann is still fully dressed.

"Newton, we can't keep doing this." He says, before Newt can so much as open his mouth. He closes the door firmly in Newt's face. 

 

Hermann doesn't come in to work that morning, or for the rest of the day. Newt can't feel him anymore. One drift wasn't enough, the connection didn't hold. Newt finds himself slamming things down in frustration for the rest of the day, and decides not to do anything to calm himself down. As soon as his day ends, he slams the power button on his computer and stomps down the hall to Hermann's room. He hammers on the door, to no response. 

" _Hermann!_ " He stands on his tiptoes to get eye-level with the peep-hole. "Stop ignoring me, asshole!" 

"Newton?" 

Newt whips around, finding Hermann standing behind him. He's balancing a tray of food in his free hand. 

"You," He spits. "You stuck-up, whiny little-"

"Inside." Hermann orders. He pushes past him to unlock the door. Once open, the pair go inside, and Newt slams the door shut behind them with a loud clang. As soon as he sets down his tray on his desk, he turns on Newt. "Why the _hell_ are you here?" 

"Why are you mad at me all of a sudden, man?" Newt snaps back. "We were doing fine, and then you got all cold! For no reason!" When Hermann doesn't say anything, Newt groans, his anger falling away. "I mean, what did I do, Hermann? I mean, it was going _fine_ -"

"Newton," Hermann's voice is sharp, almost threatening. "Perhaps you should stop sticking your nose into my business. Get out of my room." 

Newt tenses, suddenly angry again. "You suddenly ignoring me _is_ my goddamn business!"

Hermann looks frustrated. "Newton-"

"I thought we were getting along!" He snaps. "For once in my life I had a real, genuine friend! But you had to fucking take it away from me!"

Hermann's face falls. Newt stops, his anger turning into deep sadness in a split second. He feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes and blinks them away. 

"Newton," Hermann speaks slowly, cautious. "We're still friends." 

Blinking away the tears didn't stop them, and his vision blurs. "Maybe that isn't enough." He swallows hard around the lump in his throat. "I don't know if you saw this in our Drift, man, but I'm kind of in love with you." _Great time to confess, Geiszler_ , he thinks. He starts to cry. _Fantastic fucking timing!_

Hermann steps forward, places a tentative hand on Newt's shoulder. Newt leans into the touch, and Hermann takes it as a positive sign and pulls him in for a hug. Newt buries his face in Hermann's shoulder. 

"Sorry." Newt says. He sniffs. 

"Don't be." Hermann replies. 

"Just," He sniffs again. "Knowing you hate me..."

"Oh, Newton," Hermann sighs. He hugs him tighter. "I don't hate you."

Newt cries harder. He's probably ruining Hermann's stupid sweater vest, but Hermann is rubbing comforting circles on his back anyway. After a minute of standing there, swaying, Hermann pulls back. Newt doesn't want to protest, lest he ruin the moment. But then, Hermann grabs Newt's chin gently and tilts his head up to face him. 

"May I?" He asks. 

Newt laughs, almost sobs. "Yeah."

Hermann leans down, and Newt leans up on his toes. They meet in the middle. When they kiss, it feels right; Newt feels like the last piece in his puzzle has finally fallen neatly into place. When they pull back, Newt is still crying. Hermann wipes a tear from his cheek. 

"Can I spend the night?" Newt asks. 

Hermann smiles. "Yes, of course."

Hermann grabs some pajamas from his dresser and retreats to the bathroom to change, and Newt sits on his bed and shrugs off his shirt. When Hermann gets back into his room, Newt is down to his boxer shorts, and bundled underneath his blanket. Hermann flicks the light off from across the room with his cane and joins him. Once comfortable, Newt lays his head on Hermann's chest. 

"Do you want to talk?" He asks, after a moment of silence. "About...this?"

Hermann pauses. "How so?"

Newt props his head up on his chest to look at him. Shrugs. "Can we talk about the Drift? I knew you weren't telling me the whole truth when I first asked you about it." He pauses. "I'm guessing you saw that I'm in love with you."

Hermann nods. "That's all I was hiding from you. I promise. I must confess it made me...uncomfortable at first. But not for the reasons I initially thought. Once it occurred to me that I felt the same way, I panicked. That's why I ignored you. And I'm sorry."

Newt smiles at him, fond. "That's kind of cute, actually."

Hermann frowns. "It's not 'cute', Newton."

Newt smiles again. "It is."

Hermann sighs, resigned. 

Newt lays his head back down on Hermann's chest, listens to his heartbeat, hears his breathing even out as he falls asleep. He follows suit soon after, Hermann's arms wrapped around him. They dream of each other's fondest memories. 


End file.
